Izzy Finds Harris County Magically Solved All Its Flooding Problems Overnight
11/12/25 – My weird nephew Izzy called this morning. He was all excited about what he thought would be a tax refund check from Harris County. He had just finished scanning through the San Jacinto Regional Flood Planning Group’s latest report and had convinced himself that the check was in the mail.
The Holiday Miracle
“Uncle Bob! Uncle Bob! Did you see what happened?”
“No Izzy. Calm down. What happened?”
“Harris County solved all its flooding problems and they didn’t even have to spend half the money in the flood bond!”
“Whoa there, Izzy. That sounds a little too good to be true. What makes you think that?”
(Flipping through a loose-leaf binder with hundreds of pages): “Lookee here, Uncle Bob. Every map in the book is like this. Yessiree.”
“Yep, Uncle Bob. Every county in the river basin has flooding problems ‘cept Harris County. We done solved all our problems! I’m going to get me a new motorcycle with my refund check.”
“What’s wrong with your old motorcycle, Izzy?”
“It got flooded out.”
“And why do you think the county would give you a refund, Izzy?”
“They solved all our problems but only spent half the money. They geniuses.”
Izzy Gets an Education
“But that’s not how bonds work, Izzy. They don’t borrow the money until they need it.”
(Suddenly deflated) “You got to be kidding me.”
“Sorry Iz. I could use a refund check, too.”
“Oh, man. I was going to splurge and get me some nacho cheese Doritos with the change.”
“I’ll treat you to Doritos, Izzy, but I want to figure out what’s going on here.”
Uncle Bob’s Shocking Discovery
(Flipping through the report) “See, Uncle Bob. Harris County has NO flooding problems anymore, anywhere, nohow. I’m going to drop my flood insurance. That’ll save me some serious bank.”
“I wouldn’t drop it just yet, Izzy.”
“Why not?”
“Did you read this explanation on page 14, Izzy?”
“Read? Who reads anymore, Uncle Bob? That’s so old school.”
“It says the flooding in Harris County is still bad. They just aren’t saying how bad.”
“Why?”
“They claim they’ve been trying to figure out how to dish up the bad news…for four years.”
“Seriously?”
“I’m sorry, Izzy. They shoulda hired you to run Flood Control.”
“I got me a calculator that goes to 15 digits.”
“I’m sure you could have helped, Izzy.”
“Damn straight. I just can’t believe they’d try to trick me like this. They ‘da govmint. They ain’t supposed to trick people. Lives depend on this.”
“What do you say we drown our sorrows in some nacho cheese Doritos while I explain about government, Izzy?”
Posted by Bob Rehak on 11/12/25
2997 Days since Hurricane Harvey
The thoughts expressed in this post represent opinions on matters of public concern and safety. They are protected by the First Amendment of the US Constitution and the Anti-SLAPP Statute of the Great State of Texas.
