Weird Nephew Izzy Has Fix for HCFCD Slowdown
More than four years after being awarded almost a billion dollars in HUD money for more than 30 flood mitigation and disaster recovery projects, Harris County Flood Control District has actually started building only one of the jobs. If it misses rapidly approaching deadlines, it could lose the money, a fact that has not escaped my Weird Nephew Izzy.
Izzy applied for the job of HCFCD executive director in 2021, but didn’t get it. When he stopped by yesterday, he was still a tad bitter.
Izzy Does Some Armchair Quarterbacking
“If they don’t hustle up pretty soon, Uncle Bob, we could lose all that money. They dug us into a hole without digging many holes.”
“Yes, Izzy, it appears things have slowed way down. They’re just not building those stormwater-detention basins and channel-conveyance improvements as fast as they used to.”
“I gotta get me one of dem govmint jobs. The less you do, the more you make.”
“I don’t think that’s true, Izzy. I know a lot of hard-working public servants.”
“Well, look at Flood Control, Uncle Bob.”
“What about it?”
“They’re doin’ less and less. But their executive director just got a $90,000 raise. They shoulda done hired ME for that job, Uncle Bob.”
“But Izzy, you weren’t qualified.”
“I sure could use the money, Uncle Bob. Anyway, qualifications is highly overrated. A job like that needs leadership ability.”
“I know you just got promoted to head bagger down at the Walmart, but…”
“Damn straight,” he exclaimed. “That’s because people like to work with me. My hands is always flyin’. I make everyone around me look good.”
“You are fast. I’ll give you that, Izzy.”
“And after work, I’m not afraid to tip back a few with the crew, too,” said Izzy, scratching his belly.
“I can see that.”
Lessons from Leadership School
“People gotta wanna work their hardest for ya, Uncle Bob. That’s what they done taught me in leadership school.”
“That’s very true, Izzy. But the people at Flood Control say they’re waiting on permits from other agencies like the Army Corps and EPA.”
“My point, presactly. See, I coulda introduced ’em to some dancers down at the Crystal Pistol. I woulda had those permits in a heartbeat, Uncle Bob.”
“I’m not sure that’s ethical, Izzy.”
“Why not? I’d be doing a public service for public servants. And probably savin’ taxpayers money in the long run.”
“Izzy!”
“What’s wrong, Uncle Bob?”
“It’s just not ethical.”
“You gotta understand how the game is played, Uncle Bob. I saw it all the time when I worked down at the lounge.”
Uncle Bob Sees Orange
“Enough, Izzy! It’s not legal either. You wouldn’t look good in orange.”
“OK, OK. But I’d find a way to get them permits … a legal way.”
“And what would that be?”
“Just like in school. Wait till the last minute and tell the teacher you need an extension.”
“They appear to be doing that now, Izzy. And they’ve already been told there won’t be any more extensions.”
“Welllllll then… just sayin’. Foxy Roxy flooded in Harvey, Uncle Bob. And she can be very discrete.”
“Does she have an engineering degree?”
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Satire by Bob Rehak on 10/8/25
2962 Days since Harvey
The thoughts expressed in this post represent opinions on matters of public concern and safety. They are protected by the First Amendment of the US Constitution and the Anti-SLAPP Statute of the Great State of Texas.
