Billboard on FM105 Implies Lake Conroe Is Threatened and Near Death

Lake Conroe is being drained, says the billboard. The lake is threatened. It MUST be saved. Homes are being destroyed. Armageddon is at hand.

Lake Down About a Foot, No Releases in 3 Months

Well, the Lake IS down a foot compared to its average January level thanks to evaporation and a dry Fall.

But the SJRA stopped releasing water more than 3 months ago.

So what’s all this “Stop Draining the Lake” stuff about?

When You Don’t Have Facts on Your Side, Rile Their Bile

The Lake Conroe Association is trying to rile people up to protest the seasonal lowering of Lake Conroe. That seasonal-lowering strategy, developed at Governor Abbott’s request, helped provide an extra measure of protection against downstream flooding by lowering the lake one foot in the Spring and two during the peak of hurricane season. It helped prevent West Fork flooding last May.

But it evidently has also triggered the demise of Western Civilization and recreational boating on Lake Conroe. People can no longer boat to their favorite float-in restaurants to clog their arteries with fried shrimp and shatter their neighbor’s eardrums with the shrill screams of outboard engines.

According to the Lake Conroe Association, the economy of the county and lake are collapsing – except for the second fastest growth rate in the region, which they fail to mention.

World Leaders Rally to Boaters’ Side

In New York, the United Nations called a special session to raise awareness of the threat to Lake Conroe. In Rome, the Pope considered gathering Cardinals from around the world to debate the threat to bass fishing. In Hollywood, the Screen Actors Guild summoned Bruce Willis to star in a thriller about the next “Threat to Life on Earth as We Now Know It.”

“If they can drain Lake Conroe,” said Willis, “What’s next? Fort Knox? Your IRA? Your crankcase?”

In Washington DC, the EPA declared the seasonal lowering of Lake Conroe a larger threat than climate change, deforestation and baby wipes flushed down your toilet … put together.

“This is an existential threat to Budweiser and the American way of life,” intoned Larry the Cable Guy from a stand-up gig at Hooters on 105. “Why can’t we all live in peace? Two feet of water out of a 75-foot-deep lake is outrageous. Those Kingwood people whose homes and businesses were flooded just don’t recognize the sacrifice Lake Conroe bass fishermen are making.”

Showdown in Conroe on the 21st

Lake Conroe lakefront homeowners are reportedly renting a flotilla of tour buses to ferry them to the Montgomery County Convention Center at 6PM on January 21. There, insiders say, the Lake Conroe Association plans to pack the room and shout Kingwood people down, as they did at the last SJRA board meeting, to deny Kingwood residents a chance to tell their side of this story.

At press time, it is unclear what the Lake Houston response will be, if any.

Some community organizers were considering a rally of flooded cars around a “Days of Thunder and Lightning” theme. For a spokesperson, they were reportedly negotiating with Tom Cruise to play the role of Hurricane Harvey.

Personally, I would like to see the five to six thousand West Fork home and business owners who flooded submit pictures of their damage. Then maybe policy makers can consider real vs. imagined threats as they debate whether to extend the seasonal lake lowering policy another year.

Posted by Bob Rehak on 1/4/2020

858 Days since Hurricane Harvey

The thoughts expressed in this post represent opinions on matters of public concern and safety. They are protected by the First Amendment of the US Constitution and the Anti-SLAPP Statute of the Great State of Texas.